I want you more than these girls want KFC
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
