I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
