please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
