You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
