I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
