I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
