if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we're making bets on your personal life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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