Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
