I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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