I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
