just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
