OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
