OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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