I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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