onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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