You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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