It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
