Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
