sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
