i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
