I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
