i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
