my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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