Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
