if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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