one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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