you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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