Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
