what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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