Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
