Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
