dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
