Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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