Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
