i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
