Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
