he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
