I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
