Im at strip club and am horny
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
