So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
