A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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