Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Soap is not a condiment
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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