Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
