I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
