Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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