i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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