so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
