If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
