i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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