super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
